101.2 degrees, four days on....
As a courtesy, I log on and say hello all, I trust the semester finds you well.
I shall return when the fever lifts and I regain my strength.
PAX VOBIS
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Sunday, July 21, 2013
"I am not what I think I am and I am not what you think I am; I am what I think you think I am." Charles Horton Cooley
The title of this post references a concept, The Looking Glass Self, the reader may or may not be familiar with, but regardless, influences the person he or she identifies as. It is my experience that rarely does one petition an audit of his or her presented self from significant others. Perhaps the dread of knowing explicitly where one falls short in the eyes of those held most precious prevents such. More aptly, it is probably the case that individuals are far more comfortable relying on an extrapolation of the perceived sentiments of others to gauge their conduct and demeanor. We amble along, content believing that as long as things aren't coming apart at the seams and no one is trumpeting our shortcomings, we must be doing something right. I am not insinuating that shortcomings necessarily exist in people's demeanor or conduct. In fact, it may be the case, as it was for this author, when a leap of faith is taken, and such a petition is solicited, favorable, if not genuinely lovely, revelations may result. Following from this, because I can not explicate the exchange without lessening the beauty and truthfulness of the thoughts and words of my precious wife, I present the petitioned responses in full. It is my hope that both reader and your humble author will gain insight from reading the responses as they were laid down in print...
Dear Friend,
I’m taking a leap reaching out, trolling for insights, reflections, and objectivity from you so that I can see myself more clearly.
1. What do you think is my greatest strength?
Your biggest strength is your 100% honesty. It’s the first thing (personality wise) that drew me to you and will keep me by your side. You are an open book. You don’t hide behind falsities or a need to impress others. You have no fear of laying it out there and telling it like it is, take it or leave it. And it isn’t something you just do like others because they lack a sensor. It is something you actively do, because the last thing you want is anyone to claim you are afraid, fake, or an impostor of what you want to be. You are a true believer that you are what you are because of what you came from. Your past shapes you and to deny that, is to deny who you are.
Your very close second greatest strength is your ability to view the world around you in its entirety from all perspectives. Somehow, and often in spite-- playing the devil’s advocate, you are able to put aside societal norms, morals, ethics, and stereotypes. You look at, question, and defend views and actions that many would find it hard to do, even if you do not agree with the perspective or action.
2. How would you describe my style of living?
I would describe your style of living as simplicity breeds comfort with big ass dollops of class and creepy thrown in. You need few things to keep you feeling good about your surroundings. As simplicity breeds comfort, Art and music are a central part of who you are and without these things surrounding you, I think your ability to focus and relax would wan. Just like how you dress the way you feel, your surroundings reflect that slight bit of classic, relaxed elegance. You are quirky and enjoy anything that’s tongue in cheek…ie: the creepiest religious stuff you can find.
3. What do you think I should let go of?
I think you should let go of criticism. You tend to take criticism, whether deserved or not to heart. And while you do use it to make changes that are necessary, you often dwell on it for much longer than is needed and at times, hold a grudge against the bearer of such news. Let it go love, you are a brilliant man and all holding it in does is prevent you from using your energies where they are better suited.
4. When do you feel that I am at my best?
I feel that you are at your best when you are able to concentrate and focus on one specific thing with no interruptions and when you are able to use your artistic abilities and/or your imagination to create. Nothing lights your eyes more than when you are able to take the time to focus and grasp a subject, and are then able to explain it to me and anyone else inevitably taken by your enthusiasm.
5. What do you wish I were less of, for my sake?
For your sake, I wish you were less of a perfectionist. I know it sounds like the cliche, over-used “job interview” type answer but you are the definition of over achiever. Not a detail, crook, nor corner escapes your eye. This is a wonderful thing about you and is likely a big part of how you got to where you are today. I even find it slightly endearing….emphasis on slightly. Not everything in life needs to be perfect, not right away. And some things mo chroi, are just never meant to be perfect. Sometimes the things most beautiful in life, are the ones most flawed. Just look at some of the musicians and artists you enjoy, many of them had dangerous but necessary flaws. Nor does everything needs the perfect word (inside joke my love).
6. When have you seen me really shine?
You shine when you are in the moment and in your element. When you are creating pirate outfit/ swords, searching through and discussing music, writing a story with the girls, planning a dollhouse, and discussing whatever is on your mind. A great example and a recent one to boot, is of you practicing your presentation of your research. Both of us tired, you because of the non- stop work, me fat and pregnant. Each time you ran through it your eyes would get brighter and brighter; as you added to it, deleted some things, and made the usual mistakes (just don’t tell “Elmert”). Anytime you are able to give your all, you are in your element.
7. What do you think I could give myself more credit for or celebrate more?
You should always give yourself credit and yet you seldom do when it means the most. It’s hard when life pulls you from work to school to other commitments and leaves you little time for leisure and family time but you manage to do it all. You are a wonderful father to all of our girls and an amazing husband. Where you may lack in quantity of time to spend, you make up in quality. The girls adore the time spent with you. You are Adia’s secret keeper, Izzy’s Hex girls’ back-up singer, Evi’s smuggler of yummy things, and my Picker’s fantasy sidekick. Everything you want to be….you already are in our eyes. We love you and we believe in you. You are the family man you so want to be……you do it all, mo chroi.
If you have happened upon my words here, I thank you for the indulgence, and hope this post enlightens you the reader, as it has me, the grateful author. As has become my practice, I leave you with a piece of music that moves me and provides the soundtrack of my existence.
Dear Friend,
I’m taking a leap reaching out, trolling for insights, reflections, and objectivity from you so that I can see myself more clearly.
1. What do you think is my greatest strength?
Your biggest strength is your 100% honesty. It’s the first thing (personality wise) that drew me to you and will keep me by your side. You are an open book. You don’t hide behind falsities or a need to impress others. You have no fear of laying it out there and telling it like it is, take it or leave it. And it isn’t something you just do like others because they lack a sensor. It is something you actively do, because the last thing you want is anyone to claim you are afraid, fake, or an impostor of what you want to be. You are a true believer that you are what you are because of what you came from. Your past shapes you and to deny that, is to deny who you are.
Your very close second greatest strength is your ability to view the world around you in its entirety from all perspectives. Somehow, and often in spite-- playing the devil’s advocate, you are able to put aside societal norms, morals, ethics, and stereotypes. You look at, question, and defend views and actions that many would find it hard to do, even if you do not agree with the perspective or action.
2. How would you describe my style of living?
I would describe your style of living as simplicity breeds comfort with big ass dollops of class and creepy thrown in. You need few things to keep you feeling good about your surroundings. As simplicity breeds comfort, Art and music are a central part of who you are and without these things surrounding you, I think your ability to focus and relax would wan. Just like how you dress the way you feel, your surroundings reflect that slight bit of classic, relaxed elegance. You are quirky and enjoy anything that’s tongue in cheek…ie: the creepiest religious stuff you can find.
3. What do you think I should let go of?
I think you should let go of criticism. You tend to take criticism, whether deserved or not to heart. And while you do use it to make changes that are necessary, you often dwell on it for much longer than is needed and at times, hold a grudge against the bearer of such news. Let it go love, you are a brilliant man and all holding it in does is prevent you from using your energies where they are better suited.
4. When do you feel that I am at my best?
I feel that you are at your best when you are able to concentrate and focus on one specific thing with no interruptions and when you are able to use your artistic abilities and/or your imagination to create. Nothing lights your eyes more than when you are able to take the time to focus and grasp a subject, and are then able to explain it to me and anyone else inevitably taken by your enthusiasm.
5. What do you wish I were less of, for my sake?
For your sake, I wish you were less of a perfectionist. I know it sounds like the cliche, over-used “job interview” type answer but you are the definition of over achiever. Not a detail, crook, nor corner escapes your eye. This is a wonderful thing about you and is likely a big part of how you got to where you are today. I even find it slightly endearing….emphasis on slightly. Not everything in life needs to be perfect, not right away. And some things mo chroi, are just never meant to be perfect. Sometimes the things most beautiful in life, are the ones most flawed. Just look at some of the musicians and artists you enjoy, many of them had dangerous but necessary flaws. Nor does everything needs the perfect word (inside joke my love).
6. When have you seen me really shine?
You shine when you are in the moment and in your element. When you are creating pirate outfit/ swords, searching through and discussing music, writing a story with the girls, planning a dollhouse, and discussing whatever is on your mind. A great example and a recent one to boot, is of you practicing your presentation of your research. Both of us tired, you because of the non- stop work, me fat and pregnant. Each time you ran through it your eyes would get brighter and brighter; as you added to it, deleted some things, and made the usual mistakes (just don’t tell “Elmert”). Anytime you are able to give your all, you are in your element.
7. What do you think I could give myself more credit for or celebrate more?
You should always give yourself credit and yet you seldom do when it means the most. It’s hard when life pulls you from work to school to other commitments and leaves you little time for leisure and family time but you manage to do it all. You are a wonderful father to all of our girls and an amazing husband. Where you may lack in quantity of time to spend, you make up in quality. The girls adore the time spent with you. You are Adia’s secret keeper, Izzy’s Hex girls’ back-up singer, Evi’s smuggler of yummy things, and my Picker’s fantasy sidekick. Everything you want to be….you already are in our eyes. We love you and we believe in you. You are the family man you so want to be……you do it all, mo chroi.
If you have happened upon my words here, I thank you for the indulgence, and hope this post enlightens you the reader, as it has me, the grateful author. As has become my practice, I leave you with a piece of music that moves me and provides the soundtrack of my existence.
Sunday, July 14, 2013
This Hectic Life...Que Sera...C'est La Vie!!!
And so...being prompted to examine what seems to always lie just below the surface...I dive in.
Never for a moment do I ever not feel the tug of expectation...family responsibilities, academic responsibilities, professional responsibilities, from where the obligation originates matters not. The effect is the same; I wake, do, and lay my head down to sleep feeling that time is my enemy and a luxury I can ill afford. What exacerbates this hectic feeling I live with, is the concurrent feeling that I never have the time to devote my full attention to the task at hand because my plate is ALWAYS full. In my heart of hearts, I should be thankful for the full life I lead and, generally, I am. Nonetheless, a constant frenetic pace does not allow much room for introspection and quiet contemplation...necessities, it is my belief, for a full and centered life.
I have lived long enough and consider myself to be astute enough to know this constant hastened pace leaves me missing out on things that I can never get back. Generally, we mark our lives by the momentous events that stand out saliently in our memories, but I believe life is more about the small, inconspicuous movements and interactions that characterize our daily affairs...and it is here where the pace of my life threatens. When life is so full of things needed to be attended to, the tendency exists to disregard the present for planning the future events and actions that fill the mind. The result is never fully appreciating the interactions one is engaged in "in the moment". And this is precisely what tugs at me in the unguarded moment when I catch sight of the bigger picture that is the totality of my relatively short existence.
So, there it is, as I see it, the bane of productivity and dynamism...is often the loss of the incomprehensible, but paramount, human interactions that mark a life as well lived.
I'll leave with a song that always makes me feel good, just to end upbeat, enjoy...
Never for a moment do I ever not feel the tug of expectation...family responsibilities, academic responsibilities, professional responsibilities, from where the obligation originates matters not. The effect is the same; I wake, do, and lay my head down to sleep feeling that time is my enemy and a luxury I can ill afford. What exacerbates this hectic feeling I live with, is the concurrent feeling that I never have the time to devote my full attention to the task at hand because my plate is ALWAYS full. In my heart of hearts, I should be thankful for the full life I lead and, generally, I am. Nonetheless, a constant frenetic pace does not allow much room for introspection and quiet contemplation...necessities, it is my belief, for a full and centered life.
I have lived long enough and consider myself to be astute enough to know this constant hastened pace leaves me missing out on things that I can never get back. Generally, we mark our lives by the momentous events that stand out saliently in our memories, but I believe life is more about the small, inconspicuous movements and interactions that characterize our daily affairs...and it is here where the pace of my life threatens. When life is so full of things needed to be attended to, the tendency exists to disregard the present for planning the future events and actions that fill the mind. The result is never fully appreciating the interactions one is engaged in "in the moment". And this is precisely what tugs at me in the unguarded moment when I catch sight of the bigger picture that is the totality of my relatively short existence.
So, there it is, as I see it, the bane of productivity and dynamism...is often the loss of the incomprehensible, but paramount, human interactions that mark a life as well lived.
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Contingencies
Life is composed of contingencies, remove one event and perhaps nothing that follows would ever have transpired...it's been sometimes referred to as the butterfly effect, one seemingly insignificant event in one place has the potential to effect the course of monumental events oceans away. So it has been in my life. Remove one contingent event and the consequent narrative is irrevocably altered..the road is indeed open and sinuous.
Choosing one life-altering event that has irrevocably altered my life and made me the person I am today would be minimizing so many significant contingencies that I cannot single out one. This blog is called the road not without some deliberation, for it truly has been journey of many curious circumstances. That said, there are certain events, though not exclusively, that have substantially brought this mortal coil to where it is situated. I offer four of those circumstances,graciously,for your discernment...
Getting Clean...Twenty years chasing the dragon down the opium trail should have hastened my demise, God knows others that went along that path with me did just that...and I nearly followed suit, twice. The hand of fate had other designs and I emerged from that long night's journey into day relatively unscathed physically and cognitively. Bloodied, bruised, hardened, but unbowed...make no mistake, I am a survivor. The education was exacting, but invaluable, and without it I would not be here. This I believe to the depths of my soul.
Jason's Murder...Jason is my little brother. The youngest, and most innocent of three brothers, and the least deserving of the fate that became of him. Suffice to say, I miss him dearly, and not one single day passes that he does not enter my thoughts, even if for one brief fleeting moment. Life is fleeting and tenuous, and rarely do we know what the next day may hold. As such, with his memory in mind, I endeavour to have the courage of my convictions, never regret my decisions, nor to take lightly those I hold dear.
Dr. Paul Hernandez...I will not dwell here long, as much, if not more for others sake, than my own. Nonetheless, a fortuitous prerequisite humanities general education requirement altered my academic trajectory, and I will forever be indebted to Dr, Hernandez, for intellectual validation and prompting the conversation that led to my scholarly commitment.
My Wife Paula, Baby Evangeline, and her sisters, Adia and Izzy...My life is no longer exclusively my own, and my decisions, for the first time in my life hold significant consequences for others. While personal responsibility may have previously made for a noble code to aspire to, it is now my imperative. I no longer come first, and the world will never revolve around me...I welcome and accept this charge...I know no greater gift to date, and doubt one will come.
Choosing one life-altering event that has irrevocably altered my life and made me the person I am today would be minimizing so many significant contingencies that I cannot single out one. This blog is called the road not without some deliberation, for it truly has been journey of many curious circumstances. That said, there are certain events, though not exclusively, that have substantially brought this mortal coil to where it is situated. I offer four of those circumstances,graciously,for your discernment...
Getting Clean...Twenty years chasing the dragon down the opium trail should have hastened my demise, God knows others that went along that path with me did just that...and I nearly followed suit, twice. The hand of fate had other designs and I emerged from that long night's journey into day relatively unscathed physically and cognitively. Bloodied, bruised, hardened, but unbowed...make no mistake, I am a survivor. The education was exacting, but invaluable, and without it I would not be here. This I believe to the depths of my soul.
Jason's Murder...Jason is my little brother. The youngest, and most innocent of three brothers, and the least deserving of the fate that became of him. Suffice to say, I miss him dearly, and not one single day passes that he does not enter my thoughts, even if for one brief fleeting moment. Life is fleeting and tenuous, and rarely do we know what the next day may hold. As such, with his memory in mind, I endeavour to have the courage of my convictions, never regret my decisions, nor to take lightly those I hold dear.
Dr. Paul Hernandez...I will not dwell here long, as much, if not more for others sake, than my own. Nonetheless, a fortuitous prerequisite humanities general education requirement altered my academic trajectory, and I will forever be indebted to Dr, Hernandez, for intellectual validation and prompting the conversation that led to my scholarly commitment.
My Wife Paula, Baby Evangeline, and her sisters, Adia and Izzy...My life is no longer exclusively my own, and my decisions, for the first time in my life hold significant consequences for others. While personal responsibility may have previously made for a noble code to aspire to, it is now my imperative. I no longer come first, and the world will never revolve around me...I welcome and accept this charge...I know no greater gift to date, and doubt one will come.
Saturday, June 22, 2013
On Happiness...Whatever gets you through the night
No waxing philosophical this time, happiness is feeling, and what follows is a short? (maybe) list of some of what trips my trigger, and what I'll miss when I take my last breath...
The Obvious
My lovely wife's smile...Ah hell, lets be for real, my lovely wife, period
Baby Evangeline...smiling, crying, sleeping, it matters not, I'm amazed and awestruck
My family...enough said
Thoughts of time spent with my grandparents, and my little brother...damn, I miss them
My dogs, by my side...especially Khan, (Nadja, I love you too but Khan is the rock)
* Disclaimer* if the next item offends, my only wish is that you get the chance to experience it before you die...Mutual orgasm with the love of your life, staring into each other's eyes, slick with sweat, shuddering, unable to catch your breath
Honest to God True Friends...I can probably count them on one hand, those I'd take a bullet for
All the other stuff...
Intellectual Conversation...Whether its my wife and I debating absolute morality, My brutha Bruce and I kicking around the nature of virtue, or any of the other myriad engaging conversations I find myself in, this is what I enjoy most of all being a human being, and ultimately, why I chose academia as a life path
*see above* The intellectually stimulating and epistemlogically challenging regularly occuring conversations with Dr. Amanda Garrison, above all others, I relish and miss right now
Being in center city Philadelphia, especially in the heat of summer...The smell of so many foods, pizza, cheesesteaks, Italian ice, stale beer wafting from the open doors of two hundred year old taverns, the Italian market, South Street, Independence Hall, The Liberty Bell, the sight of so many diverse peoples, the sound of the elevated, car horns, music of all kinds from open windows, grafitti, street performers, homeless folk spouting Sartre, junkies, hookers, drag queens, homeboys and homegirls, street kids, horse and carriages next to the trolleys...This sacred and profane magical circus I call home!
Cranes, Herons, Egrets, etc...One word DINOSAURS!!!
Bats...
Spiders...Hell holds a special place for those who kill these amazing little machines
Creating...It matters not the medium... drawing, painting, songwriting, poetry, or any other vehicle of expression, the fruits of labor are the sweetest
Building things...this goes with the previous, swinging a hammer feels so goddamned natural!
Music...The short list goes...The Clash (stirs the soul, you know the feeling), Social D!, The Dropkicks, Loreena McKennitt (especially in the Fall, near a warm, blazing fire...she above all others speaks to my pagan spirit), Imelda May singing Kentish Town Waltz (makes me feel like crying, EVERY time I hear it), Punk rock, Reggea and Dub (not step!, c'mon now), Rockabilly, Swing, Old school Jazz ( Coltrane and Hartman, Lady Day, Duke, the Count, and of course, the sublime Mr. Miles Davis)...Stravinsky's Rite of Spring....you get the idea, music is like air, a necessity...in adendum, if one wanted a glimpse into the inner workings and thoughts of my mind, he or she would find much of that tempestuous wrangling mirrored in the lyrical poetry of Joe Strummer, Johnny Cash, Nick Cave, Tim Armstrong, and Mike Ness, just throwing it out there
Dancing with my wife in our living room ...Taking turns choosing songs, Sinatra for me, Louis Armstrong for her
Sharing the cathartic experience of an intense concert with friends ...(Bruce, my brutha, what's a few bumps and bruises compared to the lasting memories?...guess ya have to be there, eh my friend)
Honesty and Candor...No explanation necessary, I think
The Moon when its full, large and bright
Sunday mornings with nothing to do but relax with those dearest to my heart, watching movies...
This list is abridged, stay tuned, I will expand further...Like I said, the road goes on and on
Dancing with my love in the living room, eventually brings us to "our" song
The Obvious
My lovely wife's smile...Ah hell, lets be for real, my lovely wife, period
Baby Evangeline...smiling, crying, sleeping, it matters not, I'm amazed and awestruck
My family...enough said
Thoughts of time spent with my grandparents, and my little brother...damn, I miss them
My dogs, by my side...especially Khan, (Nadja, I love you too but Khan is the rock)
* Disclaimer* if the next item offends, my only wish is that you get the chance to experience it before you die...Mutual orgasm with the love of your life, staring into each other's eyes, slick with sweat, shuddering, unable to catch your breath
Honest to God True Friends...I can probably count them on one hand, those I'd take a bullet for
All the other stuff...
Intellectual Conversation...Whether its my wife and I debating absolute morality, My brutha Bruce and I kicking around the nature of virtue, or any of the other myriad engaging conversations I find myself in, this is what I enjoy most of all being a human being, and ultimately, why I chose academia as a life path
*see above* The intellectually stimulating and epistemlogically challenging regularly occuring conversations with Dr. Amanda Garrison, above all others, I relish and miss right now
Being in center city Philadelphia, especially in the heat of summer...The smell of so many foods, pizza, cheesesteaks, Italian ice, stale beer wafting from the open doors of two hundred year old taverns, the Italian market, South Street, Independence Hall, The Liberty Bell, the sight of so many diverse peoples, the sound of the elevated, car horns, music of all kinds from open windows, grafitti, street performers, homeless folk spouting Sartre, junkies, hookers, drag queens, homeboys and homegirls, street kids, horse and carriages next to the trolleys...This sacred and profane magical circus I call home!
Cranes, Herons, Egrets, etc...One word DINOSAURS!!!
Bats...
Spiders...Hell holds a special place for those who kill these amazing little machines
Creating...It matters not the medium... drawing, painting, songwriting, poetry, or any other vehicle of expression, the fruits of labor are the sweetest
Building things...this goes with the previous, swinging a hammer feels so goddamned natural!
Music...The short list goes...The Clash (stirs the soul, you know the feeling), Social D!, The Dropkicks, Loreena McKennitt (especially in the Fall, near a warm, blazing fire...she above all others speaks to my pagan spirit), Imelda May singing Kentish Town Waltz (makes me feel like crying, EVERY time I hear it), Punk rock, Reggea and Dub (not step!, c'mon now), Rockabilly, Swing, Old school Jazz ( Coltrane and Hartman, Lady Day, Duke, the Count, and of course, the sublime Mr. Miles Davis)...Stravinsky's Rite of Spring....you get the idea, music is like air, a necessity...in adendum, if one wanted a glimpse into the inner workings and thoughts of my mind, he or she would find much of that tempestuous wrangling mirrored in the lyrical poetry of Joe Strummer, Johnny Cash, Nick Cave, Tim Armstrong, and Mike Ness, just throwing it out there
Dancing with my wife in our living room ...Taking turns choosing songs, Sinatra for me, Louis Armstrong for her
Sharing the cathartic experience of an intense concert with friends ...(Bruce, my brutha, what's a few bumps and bruises compared to the lasting memories?...guess ya have to be there, eh my friend)
Honesty and Candor...No explanation necessary, I think
The Moon when its full, large and bright
Sunday mornings with nothing to do but relax with those dearest to my heart, watching movies...
This list is abridged, stay tuned, I will expand further...Like I said, the road goes on and on
Dancing with my love in the living room, eventually brings us to "our" song
Thursday, June 13, 2013
SUCCESS...
To know even
one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.Ralph Waldo Emerson
Simply stated, as I see
it, success is being comfortable in your own skin, having the courage of
convictions that you are endeavoring to be the best human being that you can be
at any given moment, and exploiting that one quality, creativity, that
separates us from the other species sharing this planet. Following from this, I
further believe that one cannot experience that comfort and courage of
conviction without having experienced substantive failure, loss, and suffering.
It stands to reason that the metric of a "good" decision, one that
provides a measure of personal satisfaction, which at the end of the day,
essentially defines success , can only be understood when mirrored through bad
decisions. Failure, however one defines it, seems to me, essential to success.
Children have no fear of failure, at least not at first.
Theirs is a world of wonder, magic and experiential joy. It is only when the
"adult" world of rules, obligations, and expectations invades their
realm of possibility and potential that the magic begins to be quashed. Before
that happens, life is just an interesting journey of possibilities. Anything
can happen, and outside of consequential physical pain, is equally as rewarding
as any other outcome. Desire, an unfortunate consequence of aging, comes along
and adulterates experiential pleasure. As we get older, others expect things
from us and we internalize their expectations and make them our own. Living up
to other’s expectations provides us our first glimpse of “success”. We succeed
in making others happy; their satisfaction in us becomes our satisfaction. We
desire approval. Thus begins the lifelong pursuit, conventionally, of measuring
personal satisfaction through the lens of others expectations. When viewed this
way, the notion of success begins to take on an unsavory quality. At the expense of appearing to wax existential, I submit that an authentic notion of success, at least for me, only came after my profound failure to live up to the expectations others had imposed on me. When one sinks to base depths of volition, whereby benevolent deference to well-being, personal or other-directed, no longer factor into appraisals for behavior, notions of expectation tend to be negated. Such was my lot. By the graces of whatever metaphysical construct the reader chooses to insert, I prevailed over my intentionally ambiguous “lot” to emerge with an understanding that above all else, I, under the implicit direction of others, had beaten my creativity and child-like wonder at life into submission. My fundamental epiphany came when I realized what I had lost: the ability to think clearly, to know things tangibly, and to create things that I could genuinely call my own, be they ideas, images, or songs. Sitting here now, in this moment, I gauge my success with the belief that, through this reawakened potential, I have positively impacted the life of others, and will continue to do so until I take my last breath.
Saturday, June 8, 2013
The Research...
The research...there's the rub, how to approach this topic? Social science research is like peeling an onion for me. Where does one begin when so many tendrils of so many domains and concerns intersect? I suppose the best thing is to just dive in and let it unfold as it will...The impetus of my current work stems from a reading of "Academically Adrift". Basically, the assertion made within the pages is that American undergraduates are faring poorly in terms of their acquisition of critical thinking and analytic skills. For the sake of brevity, critical thinking and analysis in this conceptualization includes the ability to apprehend and articulate the complexities of a situation or phenomenon cogently. Some students, upon graduation, according to the authors, lack this ability. The reasons for shortcomings are myriad. Some students arrive at college lacking pointed direction, some arrive without efficient study habits, some lack the social and economic capital that allows their more successful fellow students to thrive...the list goes on. Regardless of the reasons, consequentially, these students enter their respective vocations ill-equipped to perform and thrive amongst an increasingly globalized cohort.
My particular lens into this phenomenon concerns whether demographic specifics affect the acquisition of these critical thinking skills. In particular, does an incoming student's socio-economic status, i.e., privileged or disadvantaged family circumstances, inhibit or promote substantive learning in college? Moreover, does the acquisition of critical thinking, or lack thereof translate into favorable or unfavorable self-assessment of their subsequent respective vocational position? Along with an individuals particular SES, the question begs...does race/ethnicity and/or gender also play into how one experiences learning in college?
Let me qualify before I present a cursory explanation of my measures and method, this study is restrained by time and resource limitations. The data is secondary, taken from already existing General Social Survey (GSS) information. To conduct a comprehensive survey of the measures necessary to give a full reading of the dynamics laid out above was beyond time left as an undergraduate, to say nothing of the financial burden required to survey enough respondents necessary to result in significant findings.
As such, my limited study uses independent demographic variables of parental education to express SES (bachelor's degree or above representing privilege, high school education or less representing disadvantage), race/ethnicity, i.e., white, Black, Hispanic, or other, and gender. At the other end, as dependent variables I use self-reported assessment of job complexity to gauge the level of vocational accomplishment. Admittedly, this study involves some semblance of extrapolation to make the connection between academic disadvantage and subsequent acquisition of limited critical thinking abilities, nonetheless, I believe significant results can help contribute to the greater body of knowledge regarding academic achievement and quality of working life and lend support to the assertions found in "Academically Adrift". At the end of the day, I fully expect to use this initial work as a prelude to a far more comprehensive study as I move forward with my education.
My particular lens into this phenomenon concerns whether demographic specifics affect the acquisition of these critical thinking skills. In particular, does an incoming student's socio-economic status, i.e., privileged or disadvantaged family circumstances, inhibit or promote substantive learning in college? Moreover, does the acquisition of critical thinking, or lack thereof translate into favorable or unfavorable self-assessment of their subsequent respective vocational position? Along with an individuals particular SES, the question begs...does race/ethnicity and/or gender also play into how one experiences learning in college?
Let me qualify before I present a cursory explanation of my measures and method, this study is restrained by time and resource limitations. The data is secondary, taken from already existing General Social Survey (GSS) information. To conduct a comprehensive survey of the measures necessary to give a full reading of the dynamics laid out above was beyond time left as an undergraduate, to say nothing of the financial burden required to survey enough respondents necessary to result in significant findings.
As such, my limited study uses independent demographic variables of parental education to express SES (bachelor's degree or above representing privilege, high school education or less representing disadvantage), race/ethnicity, i.e., white, Black, Hispanic, or other, and gender. At the other end, as dependent variables I use self-reported assessment of job complexity to gauge the level of vocational accomplishment. Admittedly, this study involves some semblance of extrapolation to make the connection between academic disadvantage and subsequent acquisition of limited critical thinking abilities, nonetheless, I believe significant results can help contribute to the greater body of knowledge regarding academic achievement and quality of working life and lend support to the assertions found in "Academically Adrift". At the end of the day, I fully expect to use this initial work as a prelude to a far more comprehensive study as I move forward with my education.
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