"I am not what I think I am and I am not what you think I am; I am what I think you think I am." Charles Horton Cooley

The title of this post references a concept, The Looking Glass Self, the reader may or may not be familiar with, but regardless, influences the person he or she identifies as. It is my experience that rarely does one petition an audit of his or her presented self from significant others. Perhaps the dread of knowing explicitly where one falls short in the eyes of those held most precious prevents such. More aptly, it is probably the case that individuals are far more comfortable relying on an extrapolation of the perceived sentiments of others to gauge their conduct and demeanor. We amble along, content believing that as long as things aren't coming apart at the seams and no one is trumpeting our shortcomings, we must be doing something right. I am not insinuating that shortcomings necessarily exist in people's demeanor or conduct. In fact, it may be the case, as it was for this author, when a leap of faith is taken, and such a petition is solicited, favorable, if not genuinely lovely, revelations may result. Following from this, because I can not explicate the exchange without lessening the beauty and truthfulness of the thoughts and words of my precious wife, I present the petitioned responses in full. It is my hope that both reader and your humble author will gain insight from reading the responses as they were laid down in print...

Dear Friend,
I’m taking a leap reaching out, trolling for insights, reflections, and objectivity from you so that I can see myself more clearly.

1. What do you think is my greatest strength?
Your biggest strength is your 100% honesty. It’s the first thing (personality wise) that drew me to you and will keep me by your side. You are an open book. You don’t hide behind falsities or a need to impress others. You have no fear of laying it out there and telling it like it is, take it or leave it. And it isn’t something you just do like others because they lack a sensor. It is something you actively do, because the last thing you want is anyone to claim you are afraid, fake, or an impostor of what you want to be. You are a true believer that you are what you are because of what you came from. Your past shapes you and to deny that, is to deny who you are.
Your very close second greatest strength is your ability to view the world around you in its entirety from all perspectives. Somehow, and often in spite-- playing the devil’s advocate, you are able to put aside societal norms, morals, ethics, and stereotypes. You look at, question, and defend views and actions that many would find it hard to do, even if you do not agree with the perspective or action.
 
2. How would you describe my style of living?
I would describe your style of living as simplicity breeds comfort with big ass dollops of class and creepy thrown in. You need few things to keep you feeling good about your surroundings. As simplicity breeds comfort, Art and music are a central part of who you are and without these things surrounding you, I think your ability to focus and relax would wan. Just like how you dress the way you feel, your surroundings reflect that slight bit of classic, relaxed elegance.  You are quirky and enjoy anything that’s tongue in cheek…ie: the creepiest religious stuff you can find.

3. What do you think I should let go of?
I think you should let go of criticism. You tend to take criticism, whether deserved or not to heart. And while you do use it to make changes that are necessary, you often dwell on it for much longer than is needed and at times, hold a grudge against the bearer of such news. Let it go love, you are a brilliant man and all holding it in does is prevent you from using your energies where they are better suited.

4. When do you feel that I am at my best?
I feel that you are at your best when you are able to concentrate and focus on one specific thing with no interruptions and when you are able to use your artistic abilities and/or your imagination to create. Nothing lights your eyes more than when you are able to take the time to focus and grasp a subject, and are then able to explain it to me and anyone else inevitably taken by your enthusiasm.

5. What do you wish I were less of, for my sake?
For your sake, I wish you were less of a perfectionist. I know it sounds like the cliche, over-used “job interview” type answer but you are the definition of over achiever. Not a detail, crook, nor corner escapes your eye. This is a wonderful thing about you and is likely a big part of how you got to where you are today. I even find it slightly endearing….emphasis on slightly. Not everything in life needs to be perfect, not right away. And some things mo chroi, are just never meant to be perfect. Sometimes the things most beautiful in life, are the ones most flawed. Just look at some of the musicians and artists you enjoy, many of them had dangerous but necessary flaws. Nor does everything needs the perfect word (inside joke my love).

6. When have you seen me really shine?
You shine when you are in the moment and in your element. When you are creating pirate outfit/ swords, searching through and discussing music, writing a story with the girls, planning a dollhouse, and discussing whatever is on your mind. A great example and a recent one to boot, is of you practicing your presentation of your research. Both of us tired, you because of the non- stop work, me fat and pregnant.  Each time you ran through it your eyes would get brighter and brighter; as you added to it, deleted some things, and made the usual mistakes (just don’t tell “Elmert”). Anytime you are able to give your all, you are in your element.

7. What do you think I could give myself more credit for or celebrate more?
You should always give yourself credit and yet you seldom do when it means the most. It’s hard when life pulls you from work to school to other commitments and leaves you little time for leisure and family time but you manage to do it all. You are a wonderful father to all of our girls and an amazing husband. Where you may lack in quantity of time to spend, you make up in quality. The girls adore the time spent with you. You are Adia’s secret keeper, Izzy’s Hex girls’ back-up singer, Evi’s smuggler of yummy things, and my Picker’s fantasy sidekick.  Everything you want to be….you already are in our eyes. We love you and we believe in you. You are the family man you so want to be……you do it all, mo chroi.

If you have happened upon my words here, I thank you for the indulgence, and hope this post enlightens you the reader, as it has me, the grateful author. As has become my practice, I leave you with a piece of music that moves me and provides the soundtrack of my existence.