Never for a moment do I ever not feel the tug of expectation...family responsibilities, academic responsibilities, professional responsibilities, from where the obligation originates matters not. The effect is the same; I wake, do, and lay my head down to sleep feeling that time is my enemy and a luxury I can ill afford. What exacerbates this hectic feeling I live with, is the concurrent feeling that I never have the time to devote my full attention to the task at hand because my plate is ALWAYS full. In my heart of hearts, I should be thankful for the full life I lead and, generally, I am. Nonetheless, a constant frenetic pace does not allow much room for introspection and quiet contemplation...necessities, it is my belief, for a full and centered life.
I have lived long enough and consider myself to be astute enough to know this constant hastened pace leaves me missing out on things that I can never get back. Generally, we mark our lives by the momentous events that stand out saliently in our memories, but I believe life is more about the small, inconspicuous movements and interactions that characterize our daily affairs...and it is here where the pace of my life threatens. When life is so full of things needed to be attended to, the tendency exists to disregard the present for planning the future events and actions that fill the mind. The result is never fully appreciating the interactions one is engaged in "in the moment". And this is precisely what tugs at me in the unguarded moment when I catch sight of the bigger picture that is the totality of my relatively short existence.
So, there it is, as I see it, the bane of productivity and dynamism...is often the loss of the incomprehensible, but paramount, human interactions that mark a life as well lived.
beautiful brutha
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